


You're toxic, I'm slipping under.

by everydaytomholland



Category: Glee
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Heavy Angst, Hospitalization, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Mentions of past self harm, Non-Consensual Drug Use, munchhausen's syndrome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-19
Updated: 2018-08-19
Packaged: 2019-06-29 14:29:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15731301
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/everydaytomholland/pseuds/everydaytomholland
Summary: Sick fic. Blaine has been getting sick lately, like, a lot. He doesn't know what's wrong but he's scared. But what if there's something more sinister behind his frequent visits to the emergency room. Canon compliant until halfway through season 3 then diverges slightly, but essentially the same main plot lines apply.





	You're toxic, I'm slipping under.

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings: abuse, Munchhausen's syndrome/Munchhausen's by proxy, mentions of self harm, allusions to alcoholism. If you feel I've left any appropriate warnings, please let me know. 
> 
> Possibly my favourite fic I've written.
> 
> Originally posted on ffn under a different username, transferring all my fics over.

Blaine loved living in New York with Kurt. Being married was just the greatest thing ever, they had christened just about every surface in their apartment. Not only that but he just loved spending all this time with his best friend – and the other former glee clubbers too when they saw them but it was Kurt that sealed the deal. He just had one little hint of doubt though – something in his body clearly didn't agree with New York. Blaine had been sick almost constantly in the last 8 months. He'd had serious stomach issues and had been hospitalised more than once from exhaustion. He knew the course load at NYADA was supposed to be gruelling but it was his body was taking a serious hit.

Blaine had had trouble in Cassandra July's class more than once, and not because of illness, but because of the horrible people at NYADA. Granted, not all of them were horrible and Blaine definitely had friends in his classes, but boy-oh-boy did he have his enemies. People hated him because he was talented, because he was with Kurt, because he tried to be nice to everyone. He'd given up on trying to understand what or why people didn't like him, he just ignored them.

One day Blaine was running particularly late for dance class – well, late for Blaine, he always liked to be 20 minutes early so he could get some extra practice in but at this rate he was only going to make it to class on time. Throwing his bag down into the pile in the corner, he moved over to the group of students and moments later began warmups.

Halfway through the 2 hour class, Cassie called for a break. While the crowd all gathered around their bags, drinking as much water as they could without puking, Blaine hung back, chatting with a friend and waiting his turn. Blaine drank about half of his water in one go and ran back onto the floor, ready to continue with dance class. For the second half of the class they were learning the tango and Blaine was very excited – honestly he just couldn't wait to practice these moves on Kurt that evening. He was partnered with one of his friends, a petite blonde girl named Ellie who reminded him a lot of Quinn. Not even 10 minutes into dancing, Blaine started feeling very sick, he was sluggish, dizzy and felt weak and nauseous. He tried to just shake it off, but it was just getting worse. His heartbeat was pounding in his ears and his head felt like it was going to burst open.

"Anderson, pick up the pace!" he heard Cassie yell in his direction and he jerked his head in something that he hoped resembled a nod. He officially felt like absolute crap but it was his last class of the day so he could just go home and go straight to bed, Kurt always liked looking after him and he would pay him back with some of his new dance moves. But the more Blaine danced, the worse it got – he had no idea how he was going to make it through the rest of the class, let alone make it home on the subway afterwards.  
"Blaine, are you ok?" Ellie asked him, concern in her eyes.  
"'Mnot feelin' too good" or at least that's what he tried to say. He's not entirely sure it came out coherently. In fact he's not sure how he ended up hugging Ellie. He could see her lips moving frantically in front of his face but his heartbeat was pounding so loud in his ears he couldn't hear a thing.  
He was sitting on the ground. Why was he on the ground? Why were all these people around him? Why are they staring at him? He can't breathe. Why can't he breathe? Cassandra was kneeling in front of him, checking his pulse and talking – he couldn't hear a word she was saying. He felt himself throwing up all over himself and Cassandra. Why couldn't he stop puking? Red. All he saw was red as he felt himself falling.  
Red and then black.

Beeping. There was always beeping.

It came and went. Blaine figured this to be time passing. How much time though? He had no idea.

When he finally came to he felt a weight on his lap and a hand in his. Without even looking he knew it was Kurt. He peaked his eyes open slowly and saw that he was right; Kurt was asleep on his lap, looking dishevelled. He gave Kurt's hand a gentle squeeze and the man stirred, smiling when he saw Blaine's eyes were open.  
"Hey, you're awake? Do you need nurse?"  
" 'M good," Blaine replied, his voice still thick with sleep. "What happened?"  
"You don't remember?" Kurt asked, concerned.  
"I remember dancing with Ellie and then nothing."  
"You got really sick in class, you've been here four days."  
"Four days?! What the hell happened?" Blaine was gobsmacked.  
"The doctors think you were poisoned with anti-freeze. They found in in your water bottle in your dance bag. Do you have any idea who might have done this?"  
"No, I – wait, Kurt poisoned? How am I even alive?"  
"Luckily there wasn't much in there, they were really worried for a while and your kidneys are still a little messed up but they think you'll be fine after a few more rounds of dialysis."

They chatted a bit more before Blaine went back to sleep. The next day the police came by to get his statement and three days after that he was discharged with strict instructions to take it easy for the next week.

In the end the police weren't able to charge anyone, something about a lack of sufficient evidence. Blaine tried not to dwell on it too much and for a little while at least, life went back to normal.

Two months later…

Blaine was scared. He'd been feeling sick all week but he had no idea what was wrong. He was too scared to go to the hospital though. When he was in there after the poisoning incident, he heard the nurses talking one afternoon when Kurt wasn't around and they thought he was asleep. They thought Blaine was doing this to himself. He couldn't say he blamed them. He'd been admitted into hospital 17 times in the last 2 years – a handful of times for injuries and the rest for various illnesses. He knew it looked suspicious but he wasn't hurting himself, he was just unlucky.

That weekend Kurt was heading back to Lima while Blaine was staying in New York. Not only was he still sick but he also had a lot of work to catch up on from being sick all week. He and Kurt both made an agreement that if he was still feeling this bad or, god forbid, even worse, that they'd go into the hospital on Sunday evening when Kurt got back. In the meantime Kurt had made him up some meals in the refrigerator and they had set up a lot of comfort items in their bedroom so Blaine wouldn't have to move around too much over the weekend.

Saturday passed more or less without incident but by the end of the day Blaine felt even more miserable. He'd thrown up a few times and felt so weak, he was definitely sicker than he'd initially thought.

Blaine woke up late Sunday morning and almost immediately puked all over himself. He hadn't slept at all. Well, technically he had slept but he'd been so restless it felt like there'd been zero sleep. Or maybe it was just because he felt so much more miserable and disgusting than the day before. Either way, his entire body ached.

Moving slowly to avoid getting light headed, Blaine made his way to the bathroom. He didn't love the idea of having to stand in the shower and he was way too terrified of falling asleep in the bathtub and drowning, but he had to clean all of the vomit off of his chest and stomach so he was just going to have to suck it up. Standing under the hot water brought a welcome relief to Blaine. The steam worked its magic and his congestion had drastically improved, his aching body feeling much more relaxed – he still felt nauseas and weak but much more himself than he had been.

As Blaine was getting out of the shower he heard his phone ringing in his room, presumably Kurt checking in before heading to the airport. He started rushing to get to the phone, fighting his light headedness which had returned with a vengeance. As he was putting his pyjama pants back on he slipped on some water on the tiled floor and lost his balance. Being as sick and weak as he was, he didn't stand a chance – as he fell his head smashed against the edge of the bathtub and he blacked out instantly…

…

Kurt woke with a start as his plane was making its descent into JFK. He'd really enjoyed his weekend in Lima but, as always, he was glad to be back in New York. After clearing security he turned his phone on to check if he'd heard from Blaine. Nothing. Not that he'd expected it, he was almost positive he'd find Blaine buried in blankets in bed, crazy curls everywhere and snoring softly. He was glad he'd gotten some sleep on the plane, no doubt he'd be spending most of the night making up for lost time and looking after his husband.

Kurt made his way into their townhouse slowly and quietly, half because he wanted to surprise Blaine and half because he knew he was probably sleeping and didn't want to wake him up. He checked the fridge before heading upstairs, unsurprised to see that Blaine had only eaten half of the meals he'd prepared for him.

When Kurt entered their bedroom he wasn't shocked to see that it was completely dark. He turned the light on low but was confused when he saw that Blaine wasn't in their bed and – was that vomit?

"Blaine?" he called. No response. Now he was getting concerned.

Kurt almost passed out at the sight that greeted him when he entered the bathroom. Blaine was scrawled on the floor, half naked and unconscious, with a small pool of blood surrounding his head. Kurt rushed to his side and gently shook his shoulder but quickly recoiled in horror at how cold Blaine was. In his panic he couldn't hear Blaine's very thin breathing or see the minute rise and fall of his chest, but he did have sense enough to check for a pulse. Almost crying with relief at the soft beating he felt under his fingertips, Kurt called 911.

Getting to the hospital was a blur. Kurt had sat up the front with the driver and by the time he got out of the ambulance, Blaine had already been whisked away to the emergency room. A kind nurse guided him to the waiting room where he called Rachel and Sam and then sat alone with his thoughts.

Kurt was in way over his head. He didn't know how things had gotten so out of control. He'd definitely never meant for things to get this bad.

It all started in his senior year, when Blaine was in hospital after his eye surgery. He'd been so miserable at school but the outpouring of sympathy he received from the rest of the Glee club really did something to him; but he didn't know what that was. Things became slightly more clear when Blaine returned to school, Kurt was glad to have him back of course, but he felt like something was missing. Then a month later he figured it out when Blaine had to take a week off school because of a bad flu. Once again he was getting all kinds of attention and sympathy over Blaine's absence and he kind of thrived on it. The first time he'd made Blaine sick was purely by accident, it was a week after graduation and some undercooked chicken had given Blaine food poisoning. He'd felt guilty at first, but Blaine spent more time trying to comfort him over what had clearly been an accident and it was kind of exhilarating. After that he did little things to try and keep that feeling around all the time, putting things like laxatives in Blaine's food and drink whenever he got the chance: Blaine even went to hospital a couple of time from how sick he got. The first time it happened, Kurt was mortified. He knew he'd gone too far and promised himself he'd stop. Then two weeks later he found himself doing it again.

Things stopped once he moved to New York, he almost never saw Blaine and so he was able to control it the few times that he did see Blaine. He hated to admit it, but he was actually somewhat glad when he found out that Blaine cheated on him, he was sad of course, and missed Blaine once they'd broken up. But he also got so much sympathy, he was of course the victim in all of this, he honestly became addicted to the attention; it was like a drug.

Then Blaine had to go fuck things up and propose to him. He was happy of course, and he was so glad that his dad's cancer was gone, he just didn't know how to function without the constant stream of sympathy that he'd grown accustomed to. He was still trying to figure it out when Finn died. And even though Finn was his brother, it wasn't about him anymore. He spent months helping Rachel put her life back together, and by the time Blaine graduated he thought he was all better: he couldn't have been more wrong. Once Blaine moved to New York, he lasted almost a month before he made him sick again, from there things spiralled downwards drastically.

Kurt was brought out of his thoughts by Rachel almost attacking him with a hug. As they sat in silence Kurt resolved to make things better, vowing to never do this again. Hours later, a doctor finally came to speak to Kurt about Blaine. He was sedated and on a ventilator; they were keeping him in an induced coma for the next few days to allow his body to recover but there was a more pressing issue that had the doctors concerned. It had taken months and almost 20 hospital visits for doctors to finally intervene, but they told Kurt that they believed Blaine was suffering from Munchausen's Syndrome and had been making himself sick; and they had to toxicology report to confirm it. They told Kurt that once he was well enough, Blaine was going to be sent to a rehabilitation centre for a month, against his will if need be, to try and help him through the issues that were making him hurt himself. Kurt knew the easiest was to not incriminate himself was by saying nothing, so he silently agreed with the doctors. He barely said anything as he loyally sat by Blaine's bedside for the next several days.

…

When Blaine woke up five days later, he was confused, tired and his throat was killing him, but he was glad to see Kurt by his side as always. He spent the next day and a half barely aware of his surroundings, drifting in and out of sleep. It wasn't until a week after he'd first been admitted that the doctors finally sat down with him. He was mortified to hear what they were saying: he'd self-harmed when he was in his early teens (and once or twice after breaking up with Kurt) but he'd been fine for ages, he was so happy with his life, he wouldn't dream of hurting himself. But it was no use, no matter how hard he denied it, he was being sent into a rehab centre against his will. It was Kurt telling him through tears that he loved him and just wanted him to be well that convinced him to accept defeat, even if he was still very confused.

Throughout his four weeks at the rehab centre Blaine went through daily counselling, group meditation and other activities such as hiking and painting. As much as he enjoyed these aspects, he was still really confused about why he was there. After the first couple of days of vehemently denying that he'd made himself sick, he and his therapist, a kind young woman named Esther, moved on to other aspects of his life. It turned out there were a lot of things from his past that he had never worked through: including Sadie Hawkins and his old self destructive tendencies. He actually found it very cathartic, he hadn't realised how much stuff he had pent up over the years. By the end of the month he started to question whether he had been making himself sick the whole time without even realising it; it was the only thing that made sense.

While Blaine was away, Kurt worked really hard to make things better. He threw out all of the things he had used in the past to make Blaine sick, determined that he was going to make things right. One night, about a week before Blaine was due home, Kurt could feel the urges resurfacing, he knew that it was a problem but since he didn't have anyone to take it out on, he wasn't too worried just yet, but he poured himself a gin and tonic to calm the jitters he felt in his stomach. Somehow, the alcohol had soothed the urges he was feeling and knew that things would be okay. That night he went through a third of a bottle of gin.

Once Blaine returned home, things were much better. Kurt was so focused on trying to help Blaine catch up on missed schoolwork that it was a welcome distraction. Kurt did have his moments of weakness but he remedied that by keeping alcohol on him at all times, usually vodka in a water bottle to help him hide it from Blaine but he didn't care, everything was good again.

It took two months for Kurt to break. He thought everything was fine, but he was relying on alcohol more and more but he kept telling himself everything was okay. It wasn't until he caught himself buying laxatives from the supermarket; he bought them anyway. Two nights later he and Blaine were supposed to be going out for drinks with Rachel but after a rough day at NYADA, Blaine decided to stay home that night instead, but he insisted that Kurt went out without him, he deserved a fun night after how much he had supported Blaine the last few months. So Kurt went out and Blaine curled up in bed with Netflix.

Rachel was worried about Kurt. She'd never seen him drink like this. Back in high school he'd been such a lightweight, practically unconscious after three drinks but he'd had about five or six now and she knew that at least two of them were doubles, and yet it seemed like it was hardly affecting him at all. She knew something wasn't right but figured she'd wait until he was sober to ask him about it.

"So how's Blaine doing?" she asked.  
"Good. NYADA's exhausting him but you remember what freshman year was like" he was slightly slurring his words. So the alcohol was affecting him more than Rachel realised but she didn't know if that was a good thing or not.  
"That's good, but I actually meant since he's been out of the rehab centre. He hasn't been sick at all?"  
"No, he's been good. He blames himself a lot though and I feel bad about that but I've been so much better with that so he really has nothing to worry about." Kurt hadn't realised what he'd said until he saw the look of horror come across Rachel's face as she processed his words. "I-I mean…"  
"What exactly are you saying, Kurt?" Her voice was full of accusation, her face a distorted mixture of sadness and disgust, barely able to keep her eyes from welling up with tears.  
Kurt didn't know how to respond. So he didn't. Instead, he ran.

Blaine woke up to his phone ringing. Gilmore Girls was still playing on his laptop. He looked at his phone, expecting it to be Kurt and finding himself surprised to see that it was in fact Rachel. "Hey Rach." He answered, still groggy.  
"Blaine, listen to me. I need you to meet me at my apartment ASAP." He couldn't not notice the urgency in her voice.  
"What wrong? Is Kurt okay?"  
"He's fine. I can't explain over the phone, you just need to get out of that apartment. Leave now, take a cab. I'll meet you there."  
"No, wh-what's going on Rach?"  
"Blaine, I love you and I need you to trust that I'm trying to help you. I promise I'll explain everything at my place."  
"Okay, I'll see you there."

To say that Blaine was panicking would be putting it lightly. He barely acknowledged his cab driver the entire ride, far too lost in his own thoughts. Rachel was waiting outside her building when he got there, opening the door quickly and throwing far too much money at the cab driver. Without saying a word she whisked Blaine upstairs and into her apartment. She sat him down on the sofa and got them both glasses of water before sitting down. She slowly explained everything Kurt had said to her, and everything she had pieced together, watching the hurt and betrayal slowly take over his face. Blaine felt like an idiot, he didn't know how he missed all of the signs which now through the power of hindsight were bright, flashing neon.

"What am I going to do?" he said quietly, breaking the silence that had been over them for at least 15 minutes.  
"It kills me to say this, but you have to call the police. He almost killed you." Blaine knew she was right, but he didn't want to resort to that.  
"No, there's something else I need to do first."

…

Burt Hummel didn't know whether to be scared or pissed off that his phone woke him up at 2am. "Hello?"  
"Hello. Mr Hummel?" The sound of his son's fiancé on the other end of the line woke him up fast, especially considering how scared the 19 year old sounded.  
"Blaine, what's wrong? Is Kurt okay?"  
"I- He-" Blaine could hardly get a word out before breaking into sobs. Burt's heart wrenched as he heard a female voice comforting Blaine from the other end.  
"Burt,"  
"Rachel, you gotta tell me what the hell is happening." And she did just that, explaining everything in detail as Burt listened on in horror at what his son had done to the man he was supposed to love. "Where's Kurt now?" He asked once she was finished.  
"I don't know, I assume he went home after he left me."  
"Okay, I'm coming down right now, I'll be there tomorrow. Listen Rach, I don't care who it is, but can you send someone over there to make sure he's okay?"  
"Of course Burt, I'll talk to you later."

It was just after midday by the time Burt arrived at the loft. Kurt was nowhere to be seen but Sam Evans was sitting on the sofa, quietly watching Star Wars. He let the blonde boy leave and ventured into his son's bedroom. The sight that met him there almost caused him to have a breakdown: Kurt was wearing nothing but his underwear, asleep on top of his covers and nursing an empty bottle of scotch. Burt sat on the end of the bed and waited for his son to wake.

Kurt woke with a groan. He felt like shit and wasn't completely sure why. Then he felt the bottle of alcohol still grasped in his hand and the memories of the previous night flooded back to him. He groaned again as he sat up and then gasped at the sight of his dad sitting opposite him. Before Burt had the chance to speak, Kurt ran out of the room and into the bathroom, slamming the door and locking it behind him. He unlocked his phone and tapped on Blaine's contact.

It rang 27 times before Blaine answered.

"What?" He was angry.  
"Blaine, I-I'm so-"  
"I don't want to hear it Kurt. You made me sick, you almost killed me and then you let me think it was my fault. You disgust me. We're over." Kurt fell apart at the dial tone.

…

Kurt had realised months later that he had never appreciated just how lucky he was to have a father like his. Burt had practically moved to New York for a couple of months, putting Kurt in therapy and making sure he attended every session. Kurt resented it at first but now he would reluctantly admit just how much it was helping. He missed Blaine though. He was still Facebook friends with him, and with Rachel, so he wasn't completely deprived but it wasn't the same. He had a long way to go but looking back on the last few months of his relationship with Blaine, he was proud of just how far he had come.

He saw Blaine and Rachel on campus a couple of times but usually he quickly turned the other way, not having the confidence to face him, although he had gotten a quiet "Hello" from Rachel on the one occasion where he hadn't been fast enough. Today was a big day though, it had been three months since that horrible night and he and his therapist had decided it was time to make a big move. He opened his phone and composed a text to Blaine: 'Hey B. I miss you. I can't express how sorry I am. I don't know if I'll ever be able to. I don't know if Dad told you but I've been going to a therapist about three times a week. It's been slow progress but I'm doing a lot better. I'd love to meet up with you and talk about everything. Only if you're willing, of course. I'll never stop trying to make things right. I love you xxx'.

Kurt hated the anxiety of waiting for a response, especially in a text that took so much out of him to send. So he picked up his sketchbook and worked on some designs, he'd been doing that a lot lately. His phone didn't ring at all that day. A response came the next afternoon, but it wasn't Blaine, it was a text from Rachel: 'Kurt, he's just not ready yet. We're glad you're doing well. Love Rach xo'.

…

Kurt was having a good day. He'd just gotten an invitation to perform at the NYADA Winter Showcase. Carmen Tibideux was the only person at NYADA who knew what had happened 5 months ago and so the fact that she still thought he was good enough meant a lot. He still hadn't heard from Blaine but he was beginning to be at peace with that. After extensively talking it though with his therapist he realised that Blaine would come to him when he was ready, and if that day never came then he would just have to make peace with it: he'd make his bed and he would sleep in it.

Even still, Kurt wasn't going to let anything like that ruin his buzz. The previous year he had performed at the showcase but that hardly counted, it was his audition, so he really had to make this year count because he was an official competitor. Wrapped up in thoughts of song choices and arrangements, Kurt wasn't paying any attention to where he was going but was startled out of his reverie when he crashed into someone and they both fell to the ground.

"Oh my god, I'm so so- Blaine?" Of course the person he crashed into out of all the NYADA students, was his ex.  
"Hey." Kurt had forgotten how good his voice sounded.  
"Hi. I'm so sorry, I wasn't paying attention." Kurt felt uncomfortable under Blaine's gaze, the latter stared at him for what felt like an eternity before finally responding.  
"Would you like to get a cup of coffee?" Kurt's heart skipped a beat. He hoped he wasn't dreaming.  
"That would be lovely." He responded with a soft smile. They walked off together.

Kurt was having a good day.

**Author's Note:**

> I've been asked but I have no intention to add to this story, it is a one shot, sorry.
> 
> Follow me on instagram under the same username.


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